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EXERCISES FROM "THE ADVENTURES OF INKY,  Conflict Resolution Private Eye," a fun activity book written by the students of the Chicken Coop School. The book is available from Quabbin Mediation ($6 plus S&H). The teacher's guide is available for $3 plus S&H.
The Chicken Coop School is a home school co-op for middle school students. The Inky book was made to help kids understand how they can learn to deal with conflict. This might help you and your friends solve problems by using the problem solvers from the Inky book, which are below.
Conflict Resolution
Everybody has conflicts. A conflict is when two or more people get into a situation where they disagree about something. They disagree because they have different needs. Unfortunately, people often end up attacking and hurting each other. Conflicts are incredibly normal. You probably fight with your siblings or parents or friends. Conflicts don't have to end up with hurt feelings.
Working with conflicts is called Conflict Resolution. In these exercises, you can find different ways to end a conflict calmly and respectfully.
Think about a conflict you have been in.
Who was in the conflict?
What was the conflict about?
How did the conflict end?
 Head to Head
Some remarks that make conflicts worse:
- "Well, I'm mad, too."
- "You shouldn't be upset!"
- "That's stupid."
- "How about the time you told on me?"
- "I wouldn't mind if someone called me that!"
- "It was just a little joke."
Some comments that help resolve conflicts:
- "We need to talk about this."
- "Tell me more about how you feel."
- "I think you said you don't like it when I do that."
- "Do you think I understand what is bothering you?"
- "Now, I need you to listen to me, please."
- "Help me understand why you are upset."
- "How can we solve this without calling each other names?"
Exercise: Choose three of the remarks that make conflicts worse and write them on the left hand side of a piece of paper. Then, choose three remarks that make conflicts better and match them to the remarks you have written down.
 Something That Does Not Help
Have you ever been in an argument and suddenly the other person brings up something you did a week ago? All of a sudden you are arguing not only about the "horrible deed" someone just did, but fighting about the breaking of the agreement you two made the week before! Not only that, you are really beginning to attack each other.
Here's an example:
Wanda just stepped on Sasha's school project and ruined it.
Sasha: You jerk, you just ruined all my hard work!
Wanda: I'm sorry, but you just left it there lying on the floor. What do you expect?
Sasha: You are always doing stuff like this! Last week you scratched my favorite DVD and you didn't even say you were sorry.
Wanda: Well, you spilled soda on my best dress a month ago and you didn't even offer to have it dry cleaned!
And so on. Bringing up stuff that people did in the past only makes the present argument worse. If you need to talk about the other stuff, find a different time to work it out.
Clue: Live in the now! Talk about the other stuff when you’ve had time to cool off and think clearly.
 Klunky and Chet - Working It Out
Klunky: Hey, Chet, how was your day?
Chet: Bad, Klunky! Remember the day you burnt my wooden toy named “Bert?”
Klunky: Yeah . . . I’m sorry about that.
Chet: Oh, yeah? Well sorry doesn’t cut it buddy.
Klunky: Whadaya mean? I knocked him in the fire by accident. I didn’t do it on purpose.
Chet: Yeah, right! You’ve always hated Bert. Now he’s gone. Are you happy?
Klunky: Wait a sec, Chet. I hear that you’re angry about Bert. What can I do to help you feel like justice has been done?
Chet: Well, since you put it like that, maybe there is something that could be done to fix things. Ok, Klunky, hear me out on this . . . You’re good with wood, right? How 'bout you carve me a new Bert?
Klunky: Hey, Chet, that’s a fantastic idea. I love carving things and I know I could do a good job. I’ll get on it right away!
Exercise:
What is Chet upset about?
How is Chet feeling?
What might Klunky have said that would have made the conflict worse?
Notice that Chet suggests something Klunky could do. Why is that a good solution?
 Brain Teaser
Brain: Hey! Who wrote all over my new school folder? Culprit, it was you! Wasn't it?
Culprit: Dude, you're whack! I wasn't even near it!
Other student: I say you!
Culprit: You're stupid!
Brain: Liar!
Culprit: Ok, ok! I admit it. But I was just trying to be funny. Can't you take a joke?
Brain: Hey, it hurts to be insulted and have my stuff ruined.
Other student: Why'd you do it, Culprit?
Culprit: I did it because Brain acts like he's smarter than everyone else.
Exercise - What's the solution?
Other student: Dudes, how are we gonna resolve this? Brain's mad 'cause Culprit dissed his folder. Culprit's mad 'cause Brain thinks he's smarter than everyone else. Seems we've got a little situation here.
What is this conflict about?
What could Culprit do or say to make Brain feel better?
What could Brain do or say to make Culprit feel better?
*To find out how Brain and Culprit resolved their conflict, scroll down. BUT, before you do, write down how you think the problem should be fixed.
THE SOLUTION:
"Dude, I've got an excellent idea!" exclaimed Culprit. "Would you feel better if I bought you a new folder to replace the one I wrote on?"
"Yes, that would make things right, " said Brain. "Hey, I've got an idea, too. What if I helped you with your studies so you could get good grades like me?"
"Yeah, that's a solution I can live with," replied Brain. "Let's start tomorrow."
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